Abandoned and Home Alone

By Trudy A. Martinez

Why does she leave me here alone?  When she leaves, she’s gone for days at a time.  I’m left alone, locked in, feeling sorry for myself.  I mope around and sleep more than I should.  But what is someone to do when your left alone for days on end.  I can’t leave; I can’t reach the door knob; I can’t open it.  I can only sit and look out the window at everyone outside living life to the fullest. 

 I guess you might say, I’m depressed.  How lonely I get.  I tend to get in mischief when I am left alone.  I think I do it just to get back at her for going off.  After all, turn around is fair play.  Isn’t it?  It’s fun to do things you’re not suppose to do.  I remember once, when I was feeling down and a little possessive too, I went upstairs to sit and look out the window at everyone playing on the green grass. 

But when I got to my favorite chair, I found it occupied with a stack of papers.  “That’s my chair!” I exclaimed.  I quickly threw all the papers on the floor.  But I didn’t stop there.  I was still upset because she left me again.  So, I tore the papers into little bits; I shredded them!  I even made sure if she were able to glue them back together she would not be able to read them because I poked them full of holes.  The ink ran on some of the pieces because I put them in my mouth and got them wet. 

Oh was she mad when she saw what I did.  I sure got her attention.  She yelled, “My papers!”

Well, they were her papers and she can have them now.  I had my fun.  I’ll bet she’ll think twice before she puts anything on my chair again.  She was almost in tears; she stood and glared at me; she didn’t even blink.  “Hasn’t she learned by now I can out stare her?” I thought.  It was as if she were getting ready to attack me.  I wasn’t going to back down–I stared back. 

When she reached for me and grabbed me by the back of my neck, I wasn’t scared.  I didn’t yell out; I didn’t fight back.  I did get my motor running though–you know–I started purring.  That always gets her to smile again.  Then, she started petting me.  She loves me no matter how mischievous I am or what I’ve been into.  I love her too.  But I hate it when she leaves me here alone.

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  • GramaTrudy  Writing this journal entry helped me to work out the pain I was feeling.  It is a lonely pain.  My cat, Kit, went outside (in my backyard) and never came back.  I’ve been teary eyed ever since.  I haven’t been able to concentrate.  I’ve been too sad.  Sometimes my only  contact with anyone is with my cat.  I call her Kit because even though she is full-grown, she is small like a kitten.  I decided to write as if I were her because in a way the tables are turned.  I usually leave her for a few days by herself — now here I am grieving because she has left me here alone.  The process of writing as if I was her made me feel somewhat better.  But there is still an empty place inside me that will never be filled if she doesn’t come back.  I love her as if she were my child.  How could I be so insensitive?  How could I have left her here alone?

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BA degree in English with a single subject certification 1994 I enjoy writing, art (all forms), especially drawing/multi-media , quilting, sewing, embroidery, photography (still and video), and most of all, my grandchildren and great-grand-children.

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